Quick Review: Halo 3 ODST
September 30, 2009 at 2:20 pm | In Quick Review | 2 CommentsTags: Adam Baldwin, Bungie, Car sick, Halo 3, Motion Sick, Nathan Fillion, Nausea, ODST, Seasick
Ever wanted an all-day deep sea charter fishing trip, but lacked the money and time to commit to it? Never fear. Play the campaign for Halo 3 ODST for thirty minutes as the Rookie in night-time New Mombasa and you will have the lingering green-in-the-gills, lie on your bed with the pillow over your face wanting to die nausea usually reserved for small boats at high seas with inexpert captains taking waves broadsides. How do they achieve this? Make it dark, give your helmet a low light mode that doesn’t illuminate anything, but draws yellow borders around it and brightens the neon red lights of the city. Now give the camera a high turning speed and blur the brightened lights into a neon bleary smear. Now force the player to enter buildings and search dark halways with most walls right in front of their face. Now force the player to search for slightly more garishly yellow borders to download audio of an 800-pound man eating kebabs and burping. Play for fifteen to thirty minutes and you’ll be making deals with God to stave off hollering your lunch into the toilet.
But it’s kewl they have Mal and Jayne from Firefly!
Negative Onlies
September 25, 2009 at 1:37 pm | In Writing | 5 CommentsTags: English Language, Negative Only, Usage
There are certain words and phrases that have accumulated in cultural parlance for which the positive use is vestigial, but the negatory enjoys widespread use.
For example, whenever somebody retains their faculties through a surprising, or violent occurrence they are referred to as “unfazed.” But rarely do you hear somebody relate: “I was completely fazed!” Faced maybe, depending on their vices, but never fazed.
When was the last time you heard someone telling you how great requited love feels? Or described their composite mixture as adulterated? If irregardless is an incorrect version of regardless, what is the form one should use when they want to admit that someone’s point is valid, regardful?
Also there are words referencing a thing’s opposite that are never really applied to that opposite. People refer to old people as “Spry” to indicate that they aren’t bunched up or gnarled or stiff, but you never hear young people, commonly thought of as vigorous/flexible/gymnastic, referred to as spry.
What other ‘Uns’ or negative onlies can you think of?
Sweet update
September 19, 2009 at 3:58 pm | In Uncategorized | Leave a CommentTags: Biscuit, Honey, Sausage, Writing Prompt
I was gonna write a sweet update today, but my wife just got back from Meijer with some awesome biscuits and my daughter is screaming No for the sheer joy of it, so I’ll give you a writing prompt:
Write a story in which a character realizes that he can’t write right now because some biscuits would go really awesome with some sausage or honey.
Twitter Story Published @Outshine
September 7, 2009 at 9:31 am | In Writing | Leave a CommentTags: @Outshine, Fiction, Micro, Nanofiction, Twitfic, Twitter
I have a humorous, near future, optimistic story up at the twitter magazine @Outshine. For those of you linking to this blog from there, welcome! Take a look around, you can find some posts about writing, science fiction, and some advice from the pros on worldbuilding for the short story length.
For those of you unfamiliar with @Outshine or twitter fiction in general, basically they publish stories that are 140 characters or less. There are a few of them out there, paying and for the love markets.
@Outshine
@Thaumatrope
@TweettheMeat
@Nanoism
@7×20
@seedpodpub
If you would like to follow me on twitter I am @jonrock.
Jon Rock’s Heroic Shades
September 7, 2009 at 7:14 am | In Uncategorized | 4 CommentsTags: Girl Glasses, Hancock, Jon Rock, Shades, Will Smith
I am a leader for my church’s high school youth group. For weeks I have heard about how feminine my shades are. Frequent comments include: “Dude, why are you wearing girl shades?” and “Those look ridiculous on you.”
I even put my shades on the line in an Xbox showdown with a student that has yet to happen.

Well all the controversy can peter out. While playing with my 2 yr old daughter (who by the way frequently referred to those glasses as, “Mommy’s”) the frame around the right lens snapped, liberating it from any further proximity to my face.
I have been told that they were leopard print, when they are plainly tortoise shell, that the lenses were too big and the ears too thin, but I still maintain, that although a wee bit fabulous those were in fact acceptably masculine glasses. Disagree? Well you are not just crossing me, you are crossing Will Smith. The tape on mine may make them look less heroic, but you can’t smack missiles around without some damage to your specs, right?
So if you still want to dis my shades you’ll have HancocK and JonrocK to answer to.
Blaow!
- These shades look feminine to you?!!
- Shoot a missile at this!!!
Birthday Bloggin’
August 27, 2009 at 2:55 pm | In Uncategorized | 2 CommentsTags: 30 Rock, August 27, Birthday, Paul Reubens

thank you FOR COMING TO MY BIRTHDAY!
Appropriately to the above image clip and episode, today I share my birthday with Paul Reubens. 32 trips around the sun and still orbiting.
I hope you all have as much fun as I am having.
Lots of love flowing atcha from the Rockblog.
Some HP Lovecraft influences
August 18, 2009 at 8:20 pm | In Writing | Leave a CommentTags: David Gerrold, Eternal Darkness, Gene Wolfe, GI Joe, HP Lovecraft, Innsmouth, Necronimicon, Stephen King, Technique
Last week I read some HP Lovecraft on vacation. The Shadow over Innsmouth and Other Stories of Horror. I couldn’t help but reflect on just how many people this writer has influenced. Some of the stories were so overwritten as to be almost unreadable. Imprisoned With the Pharoahs struck me as particularly punishing. He ghost-wrote this one for none other than Harry Houdini who seems to have successfully pulled off the “I have an idea, you just write it for me” maneuver that is so popular. Here is an excerpt, the last paragraph of the first part:
“Then the mental cataclysm came. It was horrible — hideous beyond all articulate description because it was all of the soul, with nothing of detail to describe. It was the ecstasy of nightmare and the summation of the fiendish. The suddenness of it was apocalyptic and demoniac – one moment I was plunging agonizingly down that narrow well of million-toothed torture, yet the next moment I was soaring on batwings in the gulfs of hell; swinging free and swoopingly through illimitable miles of boundless, musty space; rising dizzily to measureless pinnacles of chilling ether, then diving gaspingly to sucking nadirs of ravenous, nauseous lower vacua…Thank God for the mercy that shut out in oblivion those clawing Furies of conscioussness which half unhinged my faculties, and tore harpylike at my spirit! That one respite, short as it was, gave me the strength and sanity to endure those still greater sublimations of cosmic panic that lurked and gibbered on the road ahead.”
Then there are stories like The Colour Out of Space, The Shadow over Innsmouth, and The Festival. Those three grabbed me like a rigored grave fist and drew me along each chilling event and dread discovery. There are times when the prose gets so purple it makes Barney look like the Kool-Aid Man, but the narrative hooks so strongly, the stories so effectively creep you out and make you wonder that instead of being a detriment, like most of Imprisoned with the Pharoahs, it lends to the mounting stress in the atmosphere. In fact in some it works brilliantly. Feast on this quote at the end of The Festival lifted as it were from the Necronomicon:
“Wisely did Ibn Schacabao say, that happy is the the tomb where no wizard hath lain, and happy is the town at night whose wizards are all ashes. For it is of old rumour that the soul of the devil-bought hastes not from his charnal clay, but fats and instructs the very worm that gnaws; till out of the corruption horrid life springs, and the dull scavengers of earth wax crafty to vex it and swell monstrous to plague it. Great holes secretly are digged where earth’s pores ought to suffice, and things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl.”
Stephen King has often remarked on what a great influence HP Lovecraft was on him. Gene Wolfe’s last novel, An Evil Guest strikes a remarkable amount of resonances with The Shadow Over Innsmouth – Deep Ones, Gold in the sea, Walakea. Some of the most influential SF for us children of the eighties – GI Joe Episodes: Season One’s “Skeletons in the Closet” and season two’s “Sins of Our Fathers” deal with a very Lovecraftian monster that Destro’s family has worshipped/sacrificed to for generations at their ancestral castle in Scotland.
But you’ve read On Writing by Stephen King. You know that adverbs should be assassinated no matter how useful. (By the way I am being facetious here. I think some adverbs add powerfully.) So what was it about Lovecraft that was so great? Huh? I mean, let’s face it, you may be a great writer capable of amazing works. But will something you write inspire people like Stephen King, Gene Wolfe and Saturday morning children’s television? Because “diving gaspingly to sucking nadirs of ravenous, nauseous lower vacua” did. Well, maybe not that particular phrase.
One technique that I think works for him is one that Dave Gerrold pointed out in his book Worlds of Wonder: How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy. Dave noted that you can create a mood by thinking of all the strong words you know of that evoke that mood and peppering them through your narrative. Now these days this is better the more subtle it is, but obvious or not, Lovecraft nailed this one.
Another is that his stories often begin with a very detailed real world setting and description. You feel like you can see Innsmouth, the failed town, and you could point to it on a map of New England even though it’s not there. When the weird stuff starts intruding you accept it because the setup was realistic.
Don’t make me do all the heavy lifting here. Part of learning and growing as a writer is recognizing what makes the good stuff good. What else about Lovecraft do you think put him in the books as an inspiration to those of us who walk behind?
I just thought of some more influences. One of the best video games I ever played was Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem for the Nintendo Gamecube, man was that pure Lovecraft! Also the movie, In the Mouth of Madness.
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Quantum of Fail
August 4, 2009 at 6:44 pm | In Movies | 2 CommentsTags: James Bond, Quantum of Solace, Quantum of Fail
Finally saw the latest Bond flick. Yech! How could they go from arguably the best Bond movie to the second worst! (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service cannot be outdone) Remember when you liked James Bond? When he was a likable character?
In this one he just seemed like a henchman/hitman. The James Bond of yore would have taken this vacuous* villain out like so many hard-hat wearing, white be-jumpsuited, uzi slinging henchmen in his previous films.
*He seriously is child-minded in this movie. Two times people on his side get killed because he wanders off leaving them unprotected for no apparent reason. “What’s my motivation?”
“To get to scene six with the chase in it.”
“Okay, and I’m supposed to be upset and surprised when soandso gets it?”
“Yep, script says so.”
Messing with the method
August 1, 2009 at 7:19 am | In Writing | Leave a CommentTags: how do you write, Writing methods
Do you need a particular setup to write? Locked door, absolute silence, Chai by the keyboard? Study redolent of pipesmoke with leatherbounds crammed on shelves and a deep buttoned chair in front of a massive desk?
I needed the locked door and the keyboard anyway. If I played music it had to be instrumental or in another language to keep from breaking my focus.
But that had to change. First, know that I am a night writer. For some reason, I am capable of producing nothing better in the morning than a prodigious eye booger. Second, know that I am married to a morning person. Thirdly that for reasons of internet cabling in my house the computer must needs reside in the bedroom. My keyclicks were keeping my wife up at night.
So I started writing longhand in a notebook, and you know what? My productivity went up. I can’t write as fast as I type, but I was writing more regularly. And I found that typing it in gave me a good first-pass edit. Now I have a good setup: A headlamp with red led and the Uni-ball Power Tank pen. The pen allows me to lie in bed next to my wife and write on the vertically held notebook without losing ink, and the red led produces significantly less glare than a white light would, so as long as I do not rattle the pages too much she can sleep and I can write. The only drawback as I sit with my hair sticking out between the elastic straps of my headlamp, is that my wife thinks I look like a dork in bed, which no husband wants, but one must suffer for their art.
But that had to change. Because I also have a daughter who joyfully takes up all at-home time until she goes down for the night, at which point I actually want to sleep, go fig.
So lately I have been writing during break and lunch at work, longhand on a pad of paper which I made from cover-sheets from a shared printer, stapled face-down to cardboard. I write in a noisy break room, ignoring the conversations around me and conscious of the 15 minute or 45 minute deadline I have to stop by. At home I would never be able to just write for 15 minutes, I’d be like: “What’s the point?” But at work I snork my coffee and then put the pen on the paper and go. I have been able to consistently crank out 300-600 words a day like this. Not the same wordcount I had when my nights were my own, but still enough to give me a sense of accomplishment and get the dang words across the page. Then if I get a free night to write a couple thousand words, that’s icing. The downside is I miss out on breaks and lunch with my coworkers, but then, an artist has to suffer, right?
I have gotten a lot less pretentious about the conditions surrounding the act of writing, and by shoehorning it in here and there it has become a less intimidating process to begin. I am not trying to MAKE ART, I just want to get a few words in.
Gene Wolfe once said in an online interview: Well now dangit. I can’t find the interview! If anyone can, please link to it in the comments. Now I’ll have to paraphrase.
Basically he said something like if you only have 30 minutes to write each day, you’ll be able to do it in the back of a pickup truck going 35 down a country road.
You get the point. The quote would have been better though….hmmph.
Book review – Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman
July 12, 2009 at 6:54 pm | In Uncategorized | Leave a CommentTags: Anansi Boys, Mongo's Fun, Neil Gaiman
I’ve done some traveling the last two weeks and so I spun the disks of the Anansi Boys audiobook to help while away the lonely miles.
In short, I really enjoyed this book. At the outset it seemed kind of directionless and random, plotwise but then the threads started weaving together as it went, much like the supporting strands of a spiderweb all coming together at the center.
Neil is very funny. I remember in American Gods the description of Wednesday smiling like the fox caught eating a turd through barbed wire, or something like that. I had to stop reading and just laugh. In my writer’s group things like that would probably earn a , “this kicked me out of the story” from at least one person, and it does, but it is so pleasing I don’t mind. In Anansi boys there are many funny similes explaining the tone of voice someone used. My personal favorite, and the one that had me jabbing the pause button on my car’s cd player so I could laugh by myself at 74 miles per hour went something like, “…she said in the way that most people reserve for saying things like, ‘do you want to die quickly or should I let Mongo have his fun.’”
Lenny Henry does an amazing job voicing the characters. Usually when a guy is doing an audiobook any time a female has lines it gets unintentionally hilarious. Not only did Lenny do a very natural female voice, there is one scene where he has to voice three old ladies from St. Andrew and he nails the accent and the frail voice for each of them so that you can tell who is talking even without the dialog tags. Before you say meh, try doing one old female Caribbean yourself. Now have her talking to another. Now throw a third in. When you’re done giggling at yourself for sounding like yoda doing Ghandi doing Sean Connery you are allowed to be very impressed.
Most of the book just kind of went along for me, with a few moments of pleasure at the turns of phrase. The two scenes that really made me smile happened 1 in Fat Charlie’s apartment after he has been carousing with Spider and his Mother-in-Law to be drops by before Spider’s date for the night can leave, and the scene with the cop in the Hotel Restaurant.
It is a light page turner that has moments of pure joy and comes to a satisfying conclusion.
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